tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6438058692778212472.post3556188091297641979..comments2023-10-30T04:47:15.665-07:00Comments on Kate's (619): Getting the band back togetherKatehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08839009881093456132noreply@blogger.comBlogger2125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6438058692778212472.post-58233144176880912642011-06-21T08:08:13.436-07:002011-06-21T08:08:13.436-07:00Because once you disclose the fact that you're...<i>Because once you disclose the fact that you're even considering having kids, people ask and ask and ask and ask and ask and ask and ask and ask . . . .</i><br /><br />Boy howdy, even if the disclosure doesn't amount to much more than "sure, someday." <br /><br /><i>It will happen when you least expect it," "It will happen if you just relax/don't think about it," "As soon as you stop trying, it will happen," </i><br /><br />Yup, because that's EXACTLY how biology works. <br /><br />What, you broke your arm? Well, just don't think about it! :)Austin Gortonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14281239771248780430noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6438058692778212472.post-8867646453187532222011-06-20T12:13:50.754-07:002011-06-20T12:13:50.754-07:00Ryan wanted me to keep our trying a secret, though...Ryan wanted me to keep our trying a secret, though as we kept going, I had to tell someone, so a few close friends knew. It's too emotionally rough to go through something like that silently and I trusted them to not ask weird questions, which they didn't. <br /><br />We were lucky. We also knew what was wrong long before we wanted to try (or knew that we wanted to be parents)--my periods had suddenly spaced themselves out in an alarming way. So we were able to get on a drug regimen immediately... I also did acupuncture and used charting and predictor kits. Because of funding, we had to be pretty aggressive. Emotionally, I would have been ready (but exhausted) to go on, but insurance would have cut out and as a grad student, we just couldn't afford it. We were incredibly lucky.<br /><br />We have another good friend who tried for three years, had five miscarriages, and was on their last set of "popsicles" (as the papa put it) and wouldn't have tried more. Their son "took," and he was born, healthy a few weeks after Maya.<br /><br />And a friend of a friend took several years to get pregnant and started trying immediately for #2. It's been three years. <br /><br />In both cases, the doctors don't know why. That's where I think I'm really lucky--knowing why--because then they can follow a protocol (that I thought was so slow in progression! be aggressive! I have six months' worth of insurance!) that has been proven to "work." <br /><br />I can't help but have these thoughts / reactions when I find out friends are considering not having kids... there are some that I think: "Huh. Probably a good idea." And then there are those that I think: "Too bad. She'd make a good mama" (or "they'd make good parents.") Not as a judgment. As a compliment. I have some friends that are like that--and I think of you as one of those people. You mention not knowing if you want to be a parent, and I understand that--I didn't know until I spent some time with some amazing little boys who share a gene pool with my husband--and something clicked for me. And when I want something, I end up wanting it in an aching way. Urgency and subtlety crash into each other.<br /><br />Anyway, I'm thinking of you. It's a tough experience. (Did I tell you my next book is going to be about the experience? The first, which is out now--hooray!--was about Alzheimer's and my grandpa. Guess the body's failings are a fascination for me.)<br /><br />OK, Maya stinks, so I guess I'll change her diaper and stop nattering here. She's also messing with the mouse, which means I may lose all this babbling. I just wanted you to know that you're not alone. As you stated in your blog post. People definitely keep quiet about it and when I bring it up to friends who are perfectly fertile, they look at me in that deer-in-the-headlights way. It's hard. And lonely. Boo. <br /><br />xoxoxMollyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02684472385651395069noreply@blogger.com