Support your local library

Zac and I had to run into town today so he could get a part for his truck. Farnam, his hometown, has a population of 204. We're currently in Gothenburg, population . . . er . . . something larger. So we decided to hit up the library for some high speed internet access. I couldn't take it. I needed a fix. So once again the library saves the day and my soul. While I'd love to spend a good chunk of time catching the blog up on the traveling up to this point, and the gut-wrenching goodbyes I've had to say, I'm just going to use these few minutes to say, we're in NE and so far so good.

I probably won't be around til next week!

Happy Labor Day weekend!

Too much to process

I've got too much running through my head right now to come up with anything clever or witty. I'm really too sad to try and be glib. I'm just kind of spent. Maybe I'll come back to the events with a more attentive entry at a later date, but for now I'll just say that the BBQ seemed to be a resounding success. I think Sally Field has wrecked us all with that blasted, "You like me. You really really like me!" bit. I was amazed and touched, truly touched, that so many people came by to say hi. I regret that I couldn't spend more time with everyone there. It was 30 seconds here, 90 seconds there. I felt pulled in so many directions. So for those that read this that were there - thank you. I hope I have the emotional strength to tell you all individually how much it meant to have you there.

Today was the last of lasts. And then there was supper with the family. And then there were goodbyes. And there were tears. Lots and lots of them. They're still coming, even though I ran out of them about an hour ago. I can't really tell you how I feel right now, not adequately. I just hurt. My heart hurts. I've had my life planned out for so many years in my head. House in South Minneapolis, raising my kids with my sister five minutes away. Family suppers, birthday parties, helping Mom with peanut brittle, South High pancake breakfasts, all of it. It was the plan.

And tonight as I drove away from my parent's house I realized that that plan isn't going to happen. I've got a loving husband whom I adore. And there is a part of my rational brain that knows that this new plan can be just as good, just as happy, just as full. But my heart didn't get that memo. Not yet anyway. So I'm going to cut myself some slack and cry a little more tonight, and try not to look at the skyline too much as we head south on 35W tomorrow morning, heading for Nebraska.

Did I mention that Zac's folks only have dial up? Oh good lord. There is something worse than leaving your family.

We're all married!

The Fair was a success. We spent six hours out there with Megan, Paul and Paul's brother, Brian. I could have put in another six hours, but that's because I'm a seasoned veteran of the all-day Fair experience. Zac hasn't had the years of training that it takes to balance the amount of time on your feet with the amount of food in your belly that allows one to be at the Fair from morning til night. My only regret is that I didn't get to have one more Fair Day with Autumn. She and I have gone to the Fair together for maybe three, maybe four, years in a row. Always a good time. I'll miss that. Maybe I can fly back next summer and we can go.

Yesterday was Cassie and Dominic's wedding. So it's official. The Four Granddaughters, Kristy, Cassandra, Megan and I are all married. How weird is that? None of us share a last name anymore. It was a beautiful ceremony. Aesthetically is was gorgeous. I had no doubt it would be. Cassie has an excellent eye for putting things together. Her outfits are always classy and fashionable. She mixes colors and patterns and textures really well. I knew that she would look stunning on her wedding day, and that her wedding party would look amazing. She didn't disappoint. The ceremony was moving. I cried. Of course. I'd probably cry anyway, but with my emotion-meter already running at a high level, I was a shoe-in for the waterworks.

After the wedding we headed up to a place in Brooklyn Park for the reception. We had some food a few drinks, danced a little. It was a really good time. It was so great having Zac there. I've spent so much time describing things to him, in letters, in e-mails, on the phone. For a long time it's been me relaying the stories to him. And this time around he gets to be part of the story. Like right after the wedding, we were outside the church milling around the stairs. My Dad had Lincoln and decided to sit down on the stairs. So Dad sat down on one stair, and he had Lincoln sit down on the stair in front of him. Zac looks at them and says, "Look at that potbelly!" referring to Licoln. Of course Dad seizes upon the opportunity and yelps, feigning hurt, "Gee, thanks a lot, Zac!" Zac turned red and stammered, "Lincoln, I was referring to Lincoln!" Dad played it for a few more seconds, "Yeah, right. Try and back out of it now!" Dad's howling with laughter, Zac's doubled over. It was good. It was good to see my Dad and my husband joking around.

So today is the BBQ at my parent's house. I'm really looking forward to it. It will be a good time. And it will be emotional. But I think it's going to be a great way to say "see you later" to people.

Turns out that eating out for every meal isn't a great idea.

Ugh. Too much eating out. Arby’s because Zac was craving it last night. Baker’s Square for breakfast today. It’s Greek to Me for supper. I feel bloated. And generally out of shape. So I have a great idea! Let’s go to the State Fair tomorrow and eat all that crap for 10 hours! Hooray! [sigh] I’m going to need a body transplant after this weekend. I may have to go on a juicing detox. I’ve seen people going through that however, and I would fear for those in close proximity to me.

Yes, Zac is here. We’re all happy to see him, my family, Paul, Toivo. Everyone is excited to spend time with him. Tomorrow is the Great Minnesota Get Together. One of my favorite things in the whole wide world. For the last three(?) years, Autumn and I have gone to the Fair together. Last year we were there for 14 hours. Yes. Fourteen. It was a magnificent performance. Autumn and I have an established plan of attack. We’ll have to see how much Fair Zac is able to put up with. He seems to understand that not going is not an option, so I think he’ll be able to humor me for at least a few hours. Megan and Paul will be going as well, but we will be meeting up there.

I’m glad to have Zac home. I’m still having a hard time realizing that he’s not going anywhere, not for awhile anyhow. He’s here. Permanently. It’s a good thing, to be sure, but I don’t think it will hit me until a couple weeks in that Zac isn’t here on leave. And every time I see him I feel like there is a readjustment period where we get reintroduced to each other. It’s a weird sort of dance. For the number of times we’ve done it you’d think I’d be used to it. But no. It’s always awkward. But I’m happy to see him, and he’s happy to see me. So I think it will be just fine.

Zac says he needs to PT tomorrow morning. (Physical Training). He’s concerned about not fitting into his uniform when we get to Hawaii if he keeps eating like this. Maybe I should take a clue from him and get off my butt tomorrow morning and go for a run or something while he does the same. We’ll see. We’re supposed to be at the Fair at 9:30 to meet Megan and Paul. And I like sleep.

[sigh] I’m too lazy to be atheletic.

Husband's almost home

Zac’s flight arrives in 22 hours. Not that I’m counting.

It’s been decided. I need a laptop of my own. I’m sitting here on the couch, kicked back watching the Twins game while I blog. This needs to continue. It’s a level of relaxation that I can’t quite adequately describe. The only way this could be any better is if I had a beer next to me. Unfortunately I have no beer in the house and I’m already in my pajamas. My desire to stay on the comfy couch in my comfy pajamas will win this round. Laziness, thy name is Kate.

Wrapping up this weekend – I already talked about Friday night’s birthday party and the cool things my family bestowed upon me. Saturday morning I met Jill for breakfast at the Birchwood Café. I have been living across from the Birchwood for about three years, and I had never been there for breakfast. Jill called me out on my lameness so we met up there for caffeine, good food and even better conversation. I have only recently started to get to know Jill, and I’m saddened that we won’t be able to kick back and hang out more. But I do have that secret ace up my sleeve of being in Hawaii, home of the Ironman race. So I hope that maybe I’ll see her again sooner, rather than later. Note to self: Don’t be stupid and let fantastic new friendships fade with new-found physical distance.

Later that day I met up with my cousin, Sharon, for coffee. We’ve been meeting at the Blue Moon about once every 4-6 weeks for quite awhile now. Certainly since I’ve been back from OKC. When we do coffee, we’re in it for the long haul. Two hours is not unheard of. Often longer. We talk easily and freely about life. I think she works too hard, too often, but I admire her for her work ethic. I hope that at some point she is able to relax a little, sit back, and enjoy all the things that she loves to do. She’s been working two jobs for 10 years, one of them at Borders. Now, I’m a recovering bookseller myself, so I understand the irresistible pull of the bookstore, but I think she needs to take a break to enjoy all those books that she loves so well.

After I said “see you later” to Sharon -- because I’m not saying “good-bye” to people – I faced the decision about whether to go to the Dome one last, final time. “Last” “Final” [sigh] I had hoped to take Zac up there when he got here, but it isn’t going to work out. Not enough time. [muttering to myself – time, time, there’s never enough time] Mom and Dad were up there for the weekend so once I got home from coffee I didn’t give myself enough time to consider that I was tired. I tossed some clothes in a bag, put Toivo in the car, and hopped on the interstate heading north. I got up to the Dome around 7:00. Mom and Dad had grilled up some brats so we sat around eating food, enjoying a beautiful summer evening. We then played a couple hands of three-handed cribbage. Smack talk ensued. It was nice.

Sunday I got up and decided to run the loop. The Dome is on a gravel road which forms a 1.88 mile loop. (Thank you gmap-pedometer for helping me figure that out.) It was only 9:45 when I went out so the sun was lower in the sky and the trees provided a lot of shade. It was still pretty warm already, however, so that when I did come to a clear spot I baked in the sun for the duration of no trees. I felt good that I went. I was glad that I went. I’m sure I won’t be running much in the next few weeks. [time, time, time. mutter.] Then I helped do some yard work moving rocks, which I’m confident also counts as exercise. I rinsed off in the shower and then sat outside on the deck with Mom and Dad, paging through bird identification guides trying to determine what was frequenting the suet feeder. Sunshine, breeze, relaxed. Once I got home, I was exhausted, but very happy I decided to go. I had been very close to staying home, to be lazy on the couch, alone. I made the right choice.

I love the Dome. It is one of my happy places in the world. And I was sad to leave. I went into the garage before I left and took a Sharpie to one of the walls. I wrote “Kate was here 8/17/2008”. I never claimed to be original. I think I just wanted to leave part of me there. So now when I go back next, whenever that is, I can remember exactly the last time I was there.

I smiled and hummed Cookie Monster’s “C is for Cookie” to myself as I drove out of the Dome’s driveway. A few tears fell. It’s what Megan and I used to sing at the top of our lungs when we were little, swinging on the giant tire swing, listening to our song reverberate in the forest. That’s the good stuff. That’s why it’s a happy place. And that’s why I’m glad I went.

Birthday fun

My birthday isn't until Monday, but tonight my family got together to celebrate. My cousin's birthday is also in a few days. We've been celebrating our birthdays together since she came along five years after I did. It was a good evening - a little calm before the storm of excitement of Zac's arrival Wednesday, her wedding next Saturday, and our departure the following Tuesday. So we all sat around, like we have done for 30 years, and spent time together. Who knows when the next time will be.

I got the usual gift of money from a couple family members. Yes, we still do presents in my family. We're like that. We're a pretty small family, so there aren't many people to buy for and we like to spend money on each other. If I was from a family of 10 cousins, I'd imagine we wouldn't be able to be so generous. I got a new journal, some note cards and some picture frames for the fridge. Neat stuff to write with and such.

I also got one of the coolest birthday presents I have gotten in a very long time from my parents. I actually had to try and hold it together when I opened it. I don't think anyone realized how much it meant to me, but I didn't want to lose it tonight. So I just didn't look at mom or dad when I opened it. And I tried not to talk about it.

It was five CDs. Not just any CDs, but five CDs that all hold a special place in my heart. My Dad (and Mom) love music. All kinds. They have an amazing music collection. Megan and I were lucky to grow up in a house where music was frequently playing - Motown, Classical, R & B, Rock, some Country, everything. We'd listen to everything. MPR was on a lot in the house and classical music was on pretty much every morning during the week. We'd also listen to the Morning Show back in the day, which had it's own eclectic assortment of music.

There would be music and we'd dance in the kitchen and in the living room. It would play while we played cards and board games. It was always there. It seemed like every time we'd set up the house for Thanksgiving or Christmas dinner, Dad would toss something on and we'd all sing along and groove while we put stuff out. There'd be some Chicago, Doobie Bros., a little Spinners, maybe some Temptations, BeeGees, Barry White, it didn't matter. Something to jam to.

So I opened my gift today and found these:


J.S. Bach - Great Organ Works

A CD of classical organ music that rattles the windows and makes your internal organs feel like they might explode. I love pipe organs. I love the way they sound, the way they make you feel. And Bach could be so dramatic with his music. I just love the way it all comes together. I'm not a great classical music scholar, but I know what I like, and I like this.


Chuck Mangione - Children of Sanchez

According to my Dad, this is the best music made for a movie that was never released. (The movie that is.) It's stirring, it's fun, it gets your heart going. I can't quite describe it. You really should go to the bn.com site and listen to 30 seconds or so. It's one of those instrumental albums that I "sing" along to.


Al Green - Let's Stay Together

You want smooth? You want this album. I can't count the number of times I've watched my Dad dance with my Mom in the living room to this song. And then he'd dance with Megan or me. Any rhythm I have I can attribute to my parents' love for soul and R&B of the 1970s. Even when I was a little kid, I could tell that the Reverend was cool.


The Big Chill Soundtrack

Do you need to clean the house? Do dishes? Make pasties at church for six hours? This is your album. You can listen to every song again and again. And I have. It's like a sing-along album. I have fond memories of being at church for a pasty making Saturday and having a kitchen-full of 20 people singing, "I heard it through the grapevine" loudly. This was also a staple of family game nights. I can't count the number of times I've wished I could sing like Aretha. I dare you to tell me there isn't a single song on this album that you don't like.


The Beach Boys - Pet Sounds

I love this album. One that you can throw on at a party. Well, I'd throw it on at a party, even though it came out 11 years before I was born. And I wouldn't want to know anyone who objected to me playing it. They can leave my party if they don't like Pet Sounds. My parents listened to a lot of Beach Boys. Like I said, I'm not a music scholar, but I do know that Brian Wilson is regarded as a genius. And I do know how accessible their songs are, while still being musically significant.

So those are the five. Different in many, many respects. But they are all part of my life's sound track. And I was so delighted when I opened them up. To think that even if I'm a half a world away I can listen to "Let's Stay Together" while I set the Thanksgiving table, or sing "Ain't To Proud To Beg" while I clean the house, or dance with my kids in the living room humming along to "Children of Sanchez." They aren't the CDs you ever think to buy for yourself, but it is the music I've heard for 15-30 years, and I would miss it if it were gone. And it was a genius birthday gift. The best. My folks know me well.

My friends are the best

I think the singular thing that all my friends have in common is that they make me laugh. Gut-busting, tear-streaming laugh. I don't think I could be friends with someone who didn't make me genuinely laugh out loud.

Tonight was my "bon voyage" happy hour, though I don't leave my job until next Wednesday. So a handful of friends from my current job and a few friends from prior placements all congregated at a bar/restaurant not too far from Thomson. We sat around, had a few beers, and laughed. I'm sure that the people in the restaurant thought I was drunk, with how loudly I was laughing, but really it was just the sheer delight of having that many people around that I like. I couldn't help but get all giddy and giggly. And when Heidi busted out with the comment, "I don't dislike him because he's Republican, I dislike him because he's poor," well, I almost lost it. I was buckled over at the waist, gasping for air. (In Heidi's defense, she was trying to say something about people voting for their future desires versus their immediate interests, but it didn't come out quite like that.)

Really, nights like tonight are the kind you wish you could bottle up and just keep with you for those days that suck. At one point I looked around and thought, "These people are here for me, because I asked them to come out and hang for a few hours. And these are some seriously kick-ass people. How cool is that???" I admire each of my friends for attributes they have - honesty, intelligence, humor, sarcasm, wit, compassion, work ethic, enthusiasm, joy. They're all amazing people and I really feel lucky to know each of them.

And then I thought, "How lame is it that we do this when people leave? Why don't we do this more when people stay?" But I'm glad at least we did it now, and I got to share some laughs and time away from work with people that I hold dear. I'm tired now from the laughing. Maybe it burned off the beers and chicken fingers. Maybe.