Late night

This is what happens when you don't hang out with your friends regularly enough. You have weeks worth of stuff to talk about and it take a whole night to catch up. And two pitchers of beer. For two people.

Met up with Autumn tonight for the first time in ... a month? Five, six weeks? Too long, anyhow. I missed her input and insight into life in general and my life in particular. I realized tonight that we've known each other for about five years now. Quite awhile. A lot of stuff has gone down in the last five years. Good, bad, ugly, blissful. More than most friendships can take. And yet we're still good friends. It's a comforting feeling.

So we caught up on workplace drama and such. Too bad the Twins didn't start til 9:05 CDT. I've been wanting to watch a game with someone for awhile, and she's a true baseball fan. We finally left in the top of the ninth because at some point we had to get home. It was 1-1 when we left the bar. Still not sure if we won. Actually, I think I'm going to go check. (Yup, Twins win 3-1.) Not much to blog about anyhow -- Don't want to disclose all the contents of our conversation.

In lieu of substance, I give you photos!

First off, I just went back and read my entry from yesterday. There are certainly pluses and minuses about writing when you're upset. And there are even more pluses and minuses about posting it where people you know can read it. But I feel better after I vent here or in my journal, so the post is going to stay up.

Okay, on to some other things. I need to get rid of my cats. We've decided to bring Toivo, the dog, with us to Hawaii. However, I've decided that we can't bring the cats. There are importing to Hawaii pet issues, but more importantly is the fact that Zac is allergic to them. I've been meaning to get off my butt and post some signs around the neighborhood, or hop on Craigslist and post something, but I haven't. So I'll just talk about them here for a second. As kind of an ode to them.

They have been indoor cats their whole lives, save the three months in OK. They both have all of their claws, but as long as they have a scratching post (or two) they stay away from furniture. They both usually come when called. They will climb on tables unless you patrol them and spray them with water regularly enough to train them. Alan is worse at this. Lately he's been incorrigible. I'm not sure why he's been such a pain lately, but the spray bottle has been getting a lot of work.

Alan is dumb as a stump. But lovable. He craves attention and wants to be close to you, even putting his head under your chin. He likes to "talk" to you, but he's not obnoxiously loud. He's really uncoordinated for a cat. He occasionally misjudges jumps, leading to some pretty funny results. He loves everyone and is quick to adjust to a new environment. Tends to lay down in the middle of a room, in the spot where he is most in the way. Frequently underfoot. Likes other animals, dogs and cats. Likes to play with other animals and is comfortable with my dog chewing on his head. When he lays down, his paws are always crossed, in a very regal pose.

Nala is my baby. I got her as a kitten. She's skittish. A princess. Neurotic. Bossy. Wonderful. She likes attention, but on her time and at her pace. She rarely sits on people's laps unless she's anointed you as a chosen one. She lived with me and my Grandpa for 2.5 years and she sat on his lap once. It was a big day for Grandpa. She likes to curl up with me, so it is possible for her to like someone. She chirps like a bird - rarely meows. Except every now and again she'll sit in a room and meow, like she's lost, or looking for everyone. If you say her name she'll stop and come to you. She's fat. Shaped like a raccoon. She hated Alan the first three days we had him. By day four they were curled up together. She hated the dog for the first few years we had him. Actually, I think she still doesn't like him. I think she merely tolerates him.

So those are my cats. And if anyone knows of a good home for them, let me know.

Coping? Yeah. Not so much. Tonight anyhow.

I spent Friday night with Sara, Heidi and Bianca, tossing back a few margaritas and chatting about stuff. It was a lot of fun, especially since I hadn't seen Heidi or Bianca in awhile. The conversations are always interesting and there's usually a fair amount of gut-busting laughter. I had to bow out early to get home and let the dog out, but I'm hoping we can arrange a girls-night-of-silliness at some point in the next couple months.

I didn't do much today. Slept in. Like a lazy butt. Went and got the oil changed in the car, ran a few errands (saw Austin at B&N!), picked up some of the stuff from the storage unit and brought it over to the house, went through it and re-boxed it. I have to have all the stuff I want shipped to Hawaii at the house by July 23 or something, so I had might as well get going on that now. I haven't talked to the moving people yet, so I'm still not sure what's going on. But the paperwork was submitted so I'm hoping they'll call me next week.

Warning - this next bit is me, whining. A lot. It's a pity party that I'm throwing for myself.

Crabby, crabby, crabby. The last couple of days has seen me in a particularly pessimistic and pissy mood. I managed to hurt Zac's feelings yesterday by completely ragging on a packet of information I got from Hawaii from their Family and Fleet Support Center. Or Fleet and Family. Or something. It doesn't really matter. I had hoped it was something about jobs in Hawaii, but instead it was something that Zac referred to as a "Welcome aboard" packet. Well, when I opened it up and realized it had nothing to do with the paralegal position I applied for, I was disappointed. And then I read the first line of the letter that says, "ALOHA and welcome to Pearl Harbor!" or something like that. I just tossed the whole thing on the floor and walked away. The only way it could have been worse is if it had come with a basket of goddamn muffins.

A few minutes later I looked at it again. Pamphlets and brochures galore. Lots and lots of happy happy happy Navy people and their happy happy happy families. Yay moving! Yay trying to find a new job! Yay leaving your home! Yay moving far away from your family! Yay support for you while your spouse leaves you! Yipee! I felt like I was reading through government sponsored propaganda packets. True, I might be uprooted every 2-3 years, but by golly! I can get a discount at Burger King! Wow! Who wouldn't make that trade?

So that's the mind set I was in when I called Zac. I wasn't going to trash talk the packet, but I did mention that I got it. He sounded enthusiastic and interested in it. That's when I started bagging on it. So he got indignant and upset and asked why I just didn't throw the damn thing away , if I didn't want it. I was getting worked up when he snaps, "I'm sorry I requested it for you. My mistake." Turns out the Navy doesn't just mail these out to new arrivals, you have to specifically ask for them. Zac didn't feel he needed one, as he's been stationed there before, but he thought that maybe I would want to check it out. Yeah. I felt like a colossal ass.

I did thank him for thinking of me and told him I appreciated his attempts to make this transition easier, but I had to cut the conversation short and I felt like things didn't get resolved. We didn't really talk about it much today either. He just said he was more frustrated than pissed off. We just left it at that.

I certainly understand "frustrated". I suck at this. I absolutely, positively suck at this. And, honestly, a good part of me doesn't want to get any better at it. I don't want to get used to moving. I don't want to get used to being forced into finding a new job. I don't want to get used to not having a career where I can move laterally. I don't want to get used to filling out paperwork to change an address every 2-3 years. I don't want to make new friends each time we have to move. I don't want any of that. But, as countless people have pointed out to me, "That's what you signed up for!" If one more person says that to me I might haul off and pop someone in the nose.

Apparently I'm short sighted and was overly optimistic. I thought, this is the person I love. I want to be with him. We'll make it work. And in my head I "knew" what was coming, but I sure as hell didn't "know" what was coming. And so I sit here, pissed off, lonely, waiting til we can be together, just so we can throw another round of different stresses into our marital mix. We'll finally have the distance issue out of the way, but there will be setting up the new house, his new job, my lack of job, me being away from home, being surrounded by the military. Marriage is such an adjustment anyway, why the hell are we making it even tougher?

I can't help but think about this winter, after the wedding, when Zac was looking for his next assignment after El Sal. He was talking to a detailer. (They help sailors find their next job.) One of the options (and there were only a few on the table) was a year in Kuwait. Immediately after the year in El Sal. Zac explained to the detailer that one of the reasons he went to El Sal was that he could be stateside for awhile after he got done. He told the detailer that he had just gotten married and that he didn't think I would be too happy with that assignment, after already being apart for a year. She snapped at him, "She just needs to suck it up and cope."

Wow. "Suck it up and cope." Thank you ma'am for that very clear introduction to the Navy. I can't imagine why I have my guard up around you people.

But I love Zac. More than anything. And there isn't a day that I don't look down at my left hand and smile about the fact that he's my husband and I'm his wife. And I think about all the good times we've had so far and hope for all the ones we'll have in the future. So what the hell do I do? I don't want to be his pissed off, unhappy wife. He deserves so much better than that. I want to be upbeat and optimistic and enthusiastic about all this. But I'm not. So until I can figure out how to pretend that I'm sucking it up and coping, I'm not sure what to do.

Almost forgot I had a blog

Softball? Done.

Nephew? Five months old.

Days til Zac get to MN after finishing up in El Sal? 69.

Not much else new to report. Hence the lack of entries. I've been lacking the ability to write about the usual and mundane. Softball came and went. The weather was abysmal this spring leading to multiple cancellations and reschedules. (More than usual anyhow.) But we did get some games in. All in all it was a pretty good season. Each season brings it's own cast of characters and drama, so no matter how prepared you think you are there will always be a hiccup or wrench to remind you how interesting high school-aged athletes can be. The picnic was last week. Bittersweet. It's nice having my afternoons and evenings back, but I miss the chaos and the girls. And there was some sadness as I looked around at the kids and their families. "I love this," I thought. "I love all of this." And I took a deep breath to take it all in, because I knew it was the last time I'd be a South High softball coach. It kind of broke my heart, but I'm grateful that I had one more year.

One Saturday afternoon, Megan and I talked about coaching for South. We wondered if we'd have the patience, the energy, the time to coach softball at a different school. Part of the reason I am willing to give my life over to softball each year is because it's my school as much as it is the girls'. And it's my city. If I wasn't representing the City of Minneapolis, and South High School, I'm not sure that softball would be enough to motivate me to coach. I love the sport, but I don't think that would be enough on it's own. I suppose there's a possibility that I might coach softball again in the future in some other place, but I don't think so.

So now I need to start looking for jobs in HI and prepping for the move. The Navy apparently thinks it's fun to keep first-time movers in the dark as long as possible. It's not like they move people by the thousands every year and could throw me a bone or something. Somewhere a paper pusher is laughing maniacally at my expense. Yeesh. So I will continue to hope that I'll get a be-packed-by date soon. It looks like Zac will be up in MN at the end of August so we can spend some time here before moving on to Nebraska for awhile and then to the West Coast to deliver the vehicle and then to Hawai'i. I don't mind flying by the seat of my pants sometimes, but a plan isn't always a bad thing.

Believe it or not, it's softball season

Although the weather might lead you to think otherwise, it is actually springtime and softball season is upon us. Once again, for the fourth year in a row, I am helping with the the South High softball program. (That's in Minneapolis for those who are alarmed at the simple directional name of the school.) I've been a B Squad coach and a go-where-needed assistant, but this year I am the coach of the JV team. It is a daunting task being at the helm of a team that needs more refinement than teaching. I'm really forced to become better at observing and correcting small things. This isn't teaching someone to throw from square one-- this is noticing the wrist snap being a little off resulting in the throws being a little off target. This isn't teaching someone how to swing a bat -- this is noticing that their back elbow is dropping and they're not getting their hands out quick enough. It requires a lot more attention to detail, which is a skill set that I'm going to have to work on.

Megan is once again the Varsity coach. It's great being able to spend time with her, however I feel bad that she bares the brunt of my overwhelmed-ness occasionally. Things have gotten better the last couple of practices, but I've been frustrated at how chaotic and disorganized things feel, which all began 9 months ago.

At the end of last year Megan had a second coach lined up that could either coach JV or B Squad. She knew that she'd have to hire a third coach to take care of the third team. She posted - for months - trying to find someone. People would inquire, then flake out. Originally I had planned on helping Megan with Varsity, in a sort of assistant coach/auntie-to-Lincoln role. Then we learned that Megan's second coach took a job that made it impossible to coach this year. Suddenly we had three teams and one coach.

Quickly we realized that we needed me to coach a team of my own and if we were going to have only two teams, they were going to be Varsity and JV. Not having a B Squad is a real detriment to the program so I volunteered to take on JV while Megan continued searching for a B Squad coach, knowing that while we wanted the third team, it might not work this year.

Tryouts started March 10. We still didn't have a B Squad coach. In fact, we only had two other people who were helping with tryouts. They couldn't coach the B Squad because they can only be there two or three days a week. Megan presented the situation to the Athletic Director who agreed that he wanted there to be a B Squad. He told her to conduct tryouts with the expectation of having three teams to place girls on. He even said he would coach it himself if no one could be found.

Of course, softball season was already upon us. People that can and want to coach already have positions, so after a few more days and a few more phone calls Megan told the AD that the B Squad was his. But the rest of tryouts and the first week of practice the AD was unavailable and Megan and I were trying to juggle 45 girls with two coaches and (usually) only one assistant. It was kind of a mess. Adding to the problem was chronic attendance issues with the players.

Megan and I have a similar attitude when it comes to the players - we want to have a competitive program, but we're not going to make it so hard-core that one absence here or there kicks you off the team. It's a constant balancing act and we don't always get it right, but I think we're fair most of the time. I'm not comfortable telling a student, "You can't play softball because your parents scheduled your family vacation during school." I'm comfortable having her make up the practice time, but not outright excluding her from the team.

Yes, we could run a tighter ship, but then instead of 45 girls playing, we'd have 18. And maybe some people think that's the way it should be. But Megan and I are both proponents of girls being involved in sports. That's why we want to have a B Squad. We want to win, we expect to win, but we want to give as many girls as possible the opportunity to participate in athletics and know what it's like to be part of a team. If we have to sacrifice a little bit of rigidity to achieve that, I'm okay with that.

Next week is Spring Break and we have optional practices every day. That following Monday we have our first scrimmage and 24 hours later our first game. It is going to be an interesting week. I don't have a lineup or positions figured out yet, save a few returning players from last year. It's going to be an interesting first couple of outings as I figure out what works and what doesn't. But I'm excited. The girls are too. And in about 10 days we're going to be outside, inhaling the smells of spring and listening to the ting of the bats echo across the parks. It's a little slice of heaven. And I can't wait.

Go Tigers!

More details emerge

Zac finally got his orders in hand. He has a "report no later than" date of September 14, so he's not supposed to leave El Sal until August. In some ways, that works out perfectly. I get to be here for my cousin's wedding in August. I'll get to go to the Great MN Get Together one more time with Autumn. I'll be able to celebrate my 31st birthday as a going away party with my friends. I can spend the summer enjoying MN. I actually like this timing better than if we had left in July.

So last night I was excited and hopeful that now we can get this moving process organized. I decided that I'd spend a little time at work today checking out the website that Zac's orders referenced as helpful to the move. Except that it isn't. You have to go from website, to website, to website, to website, trying to glean applicable information from each place. Nowhere is the information concentrated and organized. Instead I just get page after page of stupid, cheesy photos of "beaming, happy Navy families", who I'm assuming are supposed to be enjoying the moving process. Clearly they're drunk or lying. Because so far I'm more than underwhelmed at the process. For an organization that spends most of its time moving people, I would have thought their websites would have been better organized and easier to decipher.

I'm half tempted to pack up all my stuff and move myself over there. I don't want to try and jump through all their hoops. I'm not a circus poodle. I'm more than capable of getting my stuff there myself. And at least then I'd be in control of when everything happens. It seems dumb that if I wanted to move my stuff I could just open the phone book and hire someone to do it. It would take less than a day to organize the move. Instead I'm wasting oodles of time trying to plow through ridiculous Navy websites. I'm not sure that the Navy's "help" is worth my time.

I'm just crabby about this move. It's HAWAII -- not exactly like I can fly out there for a weekend to check out the lay of the land and get stuff situated. It's flippin' nine hours away. The housing situation is going to be difficult too. It's one thing if it's just me moving, or if it's just Zac. But instead we're a married couple, trying to get housing. At first we were thinking we would just get military housing, but Zac mentioned maybe trying to buy a house instead. Who knows what we should do? I sure don't. And the websites are apparently hiding the answers.

On the up side, softball started a couple of weeks ago. There have been some ups and downs already, and plenty of teenage drama. Plenty of blog fodder. I'll have to use some of that for postings going forward. I'm glad to be back coaching, though I found that I was ill-prepared for coaching the JV team. I'm trying to get my butt organized so I can be a better coach, but this season has been filled with bumps that aren't helping. (I'll lament the lack of a B Squad coach sometime later.) So c'mon Spring. We want those fields dry by April 8 when we have our first game.

Aloha!

Well, Zac got his orders. Looks like we're bound for Hawai'i. We probably won't be heading out that way until July, when his orders in El Sal are officially over. So either we'll have to try and squeeze in some time during softball season to see each other, or just wait the four months and see each other when he's done. Either way, I'm glad to know that I'll be seeing him sometime soon and he isn't being shipped off to someplace dangerous.

I don't have any of the details regarding the move. I'm sure I'll be sharing those as they come. I can't imagine that things will go 100% smoothly, thereby providing fodder for the blog.

Speaking of blog fodder, I am wrapping up a weekend with the flu. I'm pissed. I was suppose to go to a hockey game with Heather tonight, but instead I'm sitting here. Miserable. The girl knows me well. A hockey game is EXACTLY what I needed to get me out of my sad funk, and she busted her cute little butt to get the tickets. I was really, really looking forward to the game. Some dinner, some beer, some hockey? What's a girl not to love?

Heather and I have a long history of going to hockey games together, back to when we were freshmen in high school, and it would have been fun to sit around and shoot the shit while cheering on the Wild. I haven't had the chance to hang out with her since the wedding, which really isn't like hanging out. It's more like a "Hi! I'm so glad you're here! Gotta keep greeting people . . ."

Anyhow, I was so stoked. I was bragging to people at work about going to the game . . . .

And then I got hit by the flu truck, which then backed over me a couple more times, just for good measure.

I suck.

No, actually, I don't suck. The co-worker of mine that came into work last Thursday hacking and wheezing and coughing and complaining about being ill sucks. This is all her fault. She called in sick on Friday, no doubt laid up with what kicked my butt these last few days. She should have stayed home on Thursday. But NO! Instead she contaminated us all by coming in and I HAD TO MISS A WILD GAME WITH HEATHER BECAUSE SHE'S AN INCONSIDERATE GERM FACTORY!!!

The game just ended and the Wild lost. No doubt because my sorry butt wasn't there to support them. I owe HB big time for bailing on her.