Long week

It's been a really long week. But notice that I'm posting at 11:30 pm and I'm not at a Dunn Bros! Yes, I'm at home. My Dad lent me his laptop (and printer) for the next month or so. I'm grateful beyond words. Especially after this long week. I've had a stressful few days and I the lack of access to the internet was killing me. I explained it to a few people in this way, on Monday and Tuesday I was at about a 98 out of 100 on my stress meter. Wednesday afternoon, after the packers, it was down to about 35. Last night and this morning, before my separation from my cats, it crept back up to about 64 and then tonight, after everything, it's back down to a manageable, day-to-day level of 12. It's good to have the major things done with.

Yes, the cats are gone. My babies. I know it's irritating when people call animals their "babies" but I'm going to do it anyway. I've had Nala since I was 20. Do you have any idea what all has gone down in my life in the last 1o years??? I'll tell you what. I'll give you a sweet, furry four-footed friend to go through 10 years of your life and you tell me if it's easy to part with them. Alan had been around for maybe eight. Nothing to sneeze at.

So yes, the cats are gone. It's just me and Toivo now, in a mostly empty house here in South Mpls. It's really weird. On Monday a co-worker of mine asked if I had found a home for them yet. I replied that I had not found a place yet. He offered his parent's dairy farm in Northern Minnesota as an option. They'd be farm cats, outside and running with the cows, but they'd be relatively well taken care of, and I wouldn't be wondering if they had been adopted or put down. On Tuesday my co-worker's fiancee came to lunch and reinforced the suggestion. I agreed that it sounded like the best option I had. Then they announced that they would be heading up to the farm this weekend, so I should have the cats to them in a matter of days. That was a gut punch.

These are good people. Cat-loving people. So I trust them. I dropped my cats off at their place this morning so they could go up north to be with the cows. I cried. I tried not to, but I couldn't help it. I felt awful. And I know they'll be as happy as clams running around investigating all sorts of new things. But I still feel like a miserable cat owner. I feel like I abandoned them. And that sucks. Maybe I'm just overly sensitive right now, but I couldn't help but tear up every time someone asked me about it today. Even now, tonight, I feel like the house is empty. No Nala trying to get up into my lap while I type. No Alan sitting in the middle of the kitchen crying for attention or food or both. I just ate a bowl of cereal. No one came running into the kitchen when I poured the milk. That was tough.

So I'm tired. I'm drained. I'm feeling better, now that the major things are out of the way. But I need a decent night's sleep. And for the first night, in I don't know how many, there won't be a cat climbing on the bed to wake me up. I miss them. I will think of them, forever living happy and healthy on the farm, playing with the cows. And I want to know nothing different. I can't handle it. At least not tonight.